Feeling Weary
Something is definitely not right this year. I feel it in my bones. Yet, I can’t put my finger to what’s wrong.

It’s only the beginning of the year and yet I see gloomy faces everywhere I go. The usually bright and cheery L claims to feel alone. Even the angels seem to have their own rants. I am beginning to feel down as well.

Honestly, I have never felt so low before. It has absolutely nothing to do with my angels. Somehow I just cannot bring myself to smile because I know how I feel deep in my heart itself. Perhaps the only times when I can manage to wring a smile are when I see my angels wishing me a chirpy ‘Good Morning, Miss Ho’ and when I am in class.

I reached home yesterday evening at around 6pm feeling depressed. I went to bed immediately, only waking up at 10 pm for my dinner. Obviously, it was a day when I didn’t feel like talking so I merely shoved spoonfuls of tasteless rice into my mouth, satisfied my growling belly and shut myself in my room again.

Today, I woke up feeling the same as I did yesterday. I never felt this way before last year.

Perhaps it’s the overwhelming workload.

Perhaps it’s the 1001 things I am tasked to do this year, coupled with the sky-high expectations.

Perhaps it’s because I can hardly find someone I can talk to now, just like L as everyone is housed in different staff rooms.

Perhaps it’s because staff room 5 is too far away from my teaching block. Sometimes I make up till 10 different trips to and fro, sapping away my existing energy.

Perhaps it’s because I’m worn out, just like a pair of basketball shoes that have been used for 3 ½ years.

I’m tired, even exhausted. Forgive my rants for I need an outlet.

I came into teaching, brimming with ideas, ideals, hopes and aspirations for the angels I teach. Sometimes I feel that the energetic part of me has died away, leaving behind the lack of zest.

It’s sad but true.

My teachers have always told me that teaching is a consuming job. I never believed it till now. I find it difficult to keep myself upbeat and optimistic this year. I never thought that weariness can overcome someone my age.

So far, I have been trying to keep my blog entries bright and chirpy. My blog entries definitely reflect my moods and not faked. I try to write about my wonderful and indelible experiences for they are special to me because optimism is me.

I definitely want to continue to inject the remains of my enthusiasm and optimism into my further blogs.

Give me time.

I’m trying. Really.
- posted by NaNa @ 6:07 PM