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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Feeling Weary
Something is definitely not right this year. I feel it in my bones. Yet, I can’t put my finger to what’s wrong.

It’s only the beginning of the year and yet I see gloomy faces everywhere I go. The usually bright and cheery L claims to feel alone. Even the angels seem to have their own rants. I am beginning to feel down as well.

Honestly, I have never felt so low before. It has absolutely nothing to do with my angels. Somehow I just cannot bring myself to smile because I know how I feel deep in my heart itself. Perhaps the only times when I can manage to wring a smile are when I see my angels wishing me a chirpy ‘Good Morning, Miss Ho’ and when I am in class.

I reached home yesterday evening at around 6pm feeling depressed. I went to bed immediately, only waking up at 10 pm for my dinner. Obviously, it was a day when I didn’t feel like talking so I merely shoved spoonfuls of tasteless rice into my mouth, satisfied my growling belly and shut myself in my room again.

Today, I woke up feeling the same as I did yesterday. I never felt this way before last year.

Perhaps it’s the overwhelming workload.

Perhaps it’s the 1001 things I am tasked to do this year, coupled with the sky-high expectations.

Perhaps it’s because I can hardly find someone I can talk to now, just like L as everyone is housed in different staff rooms.

Perhaps it’s because staff room 5 is too far away from my teaching block. Sometimes I make up till 10 different trips to and fro, sapping away my existing energy.

Perhaps it’s because I’m worn out, just like a pair of basketball shoes that have been used for 3 ½ years.

I’m tired, even exhausted. Forgive my rants for I need an outlet.

I came into teaching, brimming with ideas, ideals, hopes and aspirations for the angels I teach. Sometimes I feel that the energetic part of me has died away, leaving behind the lack of zest.

It’s sad but true.

My teachers have always told me that teaching is a consuming job. I never believed it till now. I find it difficult to keep myself upbeat and optimistic this year. I never thought that weariness can overcome someone my age.

So far, I have been trying to keep my blog entries bright and chirpy. My blog entries definitely reflect my moods and not faked. I try to write about my wonderful and indelible experiences for they are special to me because optimism is me.

I definitely want to continue to inject the remains of my enthusiasm and optimism into my further blogs.

Give me time.

I’m trying. Really.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Rainy Day
The weather was gloomy.

Puddles or pools of water were in sight everywhere.

Trees fell.

On this eventful rainy day, my cousin San finally got hitched.

To a man worthy of her in every way, compatible in every manner and loving her every day.

It's amazing, even as I think of how the couple got together.

It's even more amazing to see the transformation in her spiritual self, her beliefs and her trust in Him.

She had a simple church ceremony at The Armenian Church.

It was a beautiful moment as Kai and San exchanged their vows. Time seemed to stop there and then. The radiance and happiness on the newly-weds were evident for all to see.

The whole wedding was beautiful.

*Gasp* I feel weird.

Somehow, upon seeing other people getting married, I feel like doing so myself.

To walk down the aisle with someone I want to spend my life with...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Of New and Old Angels
New year+New angels+New challenges+New jobscope= New Hair!

This is not a typical equation I teach in class.

3 simple reasons for the new hair(fringe actually, because I am growing out my hair):

1) My fringe is poking into my eyes! Haha, believe it or not, I looked like I had a curtain on my face. Go figure!

2) San's wedding is held this Sunday. I can't possibly be one of her "Ah-Yis"(can't really explain what an "Ah-Yi" is but we are supposed to stop the groom from getting into the house till he offers a bribe in the form of a red packet.) looking like I have a curtain on my face.

3) I love going to the salon, simply to relieve stress. It's true. The visits to K helps. Stress = Visit to salon = Hair cut! Guess you can roughly figure out the amount of stress I had last year...

Actually the angels this year seem quite promising. It's only the first week I see them so no conclusion yet. However, I must admit I do miss the angels from last year. After teaching them for 2 years, there has to be some emotional attachment to them. I'm human after all.

It's truly amazing to be a teacher; to be able to witness these angels maturing and morphing into young adults. Even the boys look 3 years older with their long pants. The Sec 1s of yesteryears are now in Sec 4.

It certainly feels weird.

Looking at them, I feel old already *sob sob*

An old lady by the name of Annabel signing off