Wisdom
Just got back from a coffee session with a good friend from work. I managed to pour out all my thoughts to her.

It's ironic that I can actually speak to her so freely about my problems when at times I can hardly put my finger to them. Yet, she managed to point them out.

One by one.

It feels weird because I am not someone who bares my soul to everyone. In fact, I keep most of my thoughts in my heart - closely-guarded.

Undoubtedly, I spoke about my problems at work and my sense of loss and disorientation. I'm not sure if she understood all of them. However, I'm grateful she spared me time to listen. For it's been long since I could speak freely to someone I trust.

She casually remarked that I have changed.

A lot.

That I am no longer the cheery, confident and bubbly Annabel she once knew. In its place is a more cynical and negative Annabel who lacks the motivation, confidence and drive. For to her, I am no longer passionate about the things I once spoke about. For to her, I am now hiding in my shell, frightened about things not working out. That I am too clouded by so many things that I am disorientated and lost my focus.

Have I changed?

I don't know.

I only know that I was not like that 2 years ago.

Somehow I feel that she's right. That I am no longer the Annabel that has optimism as her strength. That I am no longer the Annabel that is still confident. I am lost. Lost. That is the word I hate to hear but sadly I have to admit it. I am.

That I have a million questions in my head that are unanswered. And I cannot find the answers to.

I need to think. For I need to work this out. On my own. For I need to come out of my shell. On my own. For I need to find the person I once knew. On my own.

As you can see, my thoughts are all over the place. Let me sort this out.

Thanks Friend, for I appreciate what you have done. Despite the fact that I have let you down many times, I know you have not. Thanks for being there when I needed you. Thanks for the words of comfort. Thanks for the generosity you have showed me. Thanks for the words of wisdom you offered.

For I will find my strength back again. For I will stand back on my own two feet and be stronger than ever. For I want to be a pillar of strength in your life as you are in mine. I will find back my focus in my life.

At least I know I will try. Very much harder.
- posted by NaNa @ 4:16 AM