The Heart of a Teacher
I was in a foul mood today.

Somehow the student who spoke to me received an irritated "I'm in a bad mood. Can I speak to you again another time?"

On my way home, I kept pondering about my lack of control, having vent my anger on K. I have been reading the book "The Heart of a Teacher" and I definitely am aware that my words were hurtful. Sorry K, I really didn't mean it. I can imagine how hurt I would be if I were in your shoes. I don't want to find excuses for this terrible outburst but I can just bring it down to one word 'Disappointment'. Not with you, K, but with another batch of students.

Like everyone else, I do have my moods. I've been praying for God to curb negativity in any forms and to equip me with the fruits of gentleness and kindness. However, I must honestly admit that I was utterly disappointed after marking some test scripts today. Well, somehow I can't seem to motivate these angels enough. Their behaviour in class today was exceptional. They were on-task and attentive. However, their test revealed otherwise. Most of the questions should be relatively easy to clear. That is, if they had studied. If they had studied, that is.

These angels had frittered their marks away because of the lack of revision and carelessness. Perhaps that perfectionist in me is at it again, trying to expect the most out of my students. When X told me not to worry, that the class would do well in the exams as NO ONE studies for common test, my heart sank another inch. What is the point of giving you an assessment then?

Is this the mentality and attitude of angels nowadays? I don't know. But I certainly have this impression.

Must you be pushed before you perform? Have you been spoon-fed so much that you are now rendered immobile? Must there be a carrot before you take up another challenge?

Whatever happened to intrinsic motivation? The pride to do well because it is your duty to perform? The willingness to go all out?

I'm sorry. No one enjoys being criticised. However, as a teacher, as your teacher, I urge you to set your priorities right. That studies should be your main focus. That this is your year of streaming and no one can help you if you refuse to budge. That you will continue to be stagnant if you don't seek improvement.

I know the truth hurts. Yet I don't believe in pleasing the masses. I am infamous for being a direct (abet blunt person) and I don't believe in mincing my words.

Yes, you can probably tell that I'm writing in an emotional manner, that I'm perturbed by the nonchalence displayed, that my confidence in my angels have been visibly shaken.

Yet, I am still holding on to the hope that you will rise from the ashes once more. Show me the pride, the responsiblity and the zeal.

Make me proud to be a teacher once again. Please!
- posted by NaNa @ 6:27 AM